Suppression vs. Action

Continuing on the idea that homosexuality is an innate trait rather than a choice, I think it's worth pointing out that it would be absolutely ridiculous for someone to choose to be homosexual. There is no reason that a person would intentionally decide to be a member of a minority group that, just last year, got the right to marry. Why would I decide to subject myself to a situation where I could lose my friends and family, my religion, my chance of having a baby, my chance to get married (before last year), my chance to live a life free of discrimination, or any other issues that come along with homosexuality?

One argument I've heard is that people should just suppress their sexual orientation. However, I would argue that suppressing true desires is terrible and unnecessary. Society needs to recognize that homosexuality is natural and that people should not have to suppress their sexual orientation to avoid criticism, hate, and bigotry.

I attempted to suppress my homosexuality for a very long time after I discovered it. That was not a good thing for me, and it obviously didn't work. I attempted and failed to "choose" to be straight. That's another reason I know for a fact that homosexuality is an innate trait. I'll delve more into that on another post.

I have always desired to have a committed relationship with someone who shares physical and emotional attraction with me. And it just so happens that I am physically and emotionally attracted to males. Nobody can tell me that I can't be with someone that I'm attracted to, and that I can't act on something that I was born with. For me, action has been the best solution. Suppression made me miserable, whereas action has made me happy.

I have so much more to say, and I'll try to lay it out as clearly as possible. I may eventually try to organize all of these posts into a longer paper that is more organized, but I think these shorter posts work for now. As always, feel free to contact me with questions or comments.

Born This Way?

One of the biggest debates about homosexuality is whether it is a trait a person has when they are born or if it's something that a person chooses later in life. It's similar to the "nature vs nurture" debate, which discusses whether or not a specific behavior or trait is there when a person is born or if it develops with their experience and environment. This is a topic that I'll attempt to tackle using my personal experiences and knowledge on the topic.

Much research has been done on both sides of the issues, and I encourage everyone to read BOTH sides to fully understand the arguments. This blog is meant to tell my perspective, based on what I've experienced throughout my life. I should note that I'm only addressing homosexuality, as I cannot speak to the experiences of other sexual orientations.

I'd like to address the whole notion of whether it's a choice to be homosexual. Based on my experiences, the answer is more complicated than "yes" or "no," because the argument that exists today is ridiculous. The primary argument is whether people choose to be homosexual. That is, they choose to be attracted to the same gender rather than the opposite gender. I can tell you that is not the case. I will tell many stories and offer explanations as to why I would not choose to be homosexual, and that I was born attracted to males.

I've had the conversation about innate versus learned traits many times. Based on my personal experiences, homosexuality is an innate trait. Nobody would choose to be part of society that is ridiculed, oppressed, insulted, discriminated against, and generally thought of as "sinful." Nobody can "choose" to be gay just like they can't "choose" to be straight (as I discovered). Nobody controls what they think is attractive in a person. Nobody sits down one day and decides "Hey, I wanna be gay!"

I plan to go into more detail on these arguments, but I think it would be best to break them up into individual topics. This is my overall argument, and each individual point will be a separate post. Please feel free to contact me publicly or privately with questions, and I will do my best to answer them.

The Tragic Events in Orlando

I am sad, fearful, and angry about the shooting that happened in Orlando over the weekend. I'm sad, because people who are just like you and me were murdered by a monster. They are just like you and me, because they’re human beings. Even if they don’t share the same religion, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, etc. This wasn’t just an attack on the LGBT community in Orlando, it was an attack on humanity.

I am not afraid to go to the local gay bar this weekend. I am not afraid to stand up and say that I am gay, although I used to be. As far as what that monster intended to do, I refuse to let terrorism reign.

I'm not afraid of a similar attack happening anytime soon, but what frightens me is how an event like this can be so divisive. Let’s not make it about politics, let’s make it about caring about our fellow humans. Society says it’s not okay for people to love the same gender, and that is a big problem. This is 2016, and it’s time to move forward.

I don’t blame society for this incident, but I blame society for what happens every day to people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or otherwise. Does seeing two guys or two girls kissing in public offend you? You're part of the problem. Homophobia continues in this world, because people refuse to accept the fact that not everyone in this world is "straight." Sometimes that fear can come from a lack of understanding. If you're unsure about it, I am more than happy to discuss it and explain it to you until you run out of questions. Homophobia comes from ignorance, which isn’t a bad thing, but the remedy to ignorance is knowledge. Those who refuse to pursue knowledge are, frankly, not worth my time.

I also don't blame myself for this incident, but I feel like I've been lurking in the shadows since I first figured out I was gay when I reached adolescence. I should have stood up for myself long ago, but I was too scared of what other people would think of me and too scared of losing my closest friends and family members. I did announce that I was gay following the Supreme Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage, but many people in my life still do not know. At this point in my life, I can't afford to be afraid anymore.

These events have been a wake-up call for me. I need to take pride in my sexual orientation, even if it's not my primary identity. There's so much more to me than my sexual orientation, but I still think it's important that people either accept that part of me or move on.

I'm just getting started... stay tuned!

About This Blog

I'm going to use this blog to discuss gay issues in-depth, with a focus on how I've dealt with being a gay male. I was inspired by the recent events in Orlando to start taking action and voicing my concerns on these issues. My hope is to have a dialogue with those who may not know much about what it means to be gay (it's simple, really) and to tell people about my personal struggles with it. I welcome all comments, questions, and concerns. I'll probably add more to this later, depending on how this blog goes. Thanks for reading!